Woman kicked off the bus for reading the Bible to her children aloud

Here is one of those stories that becomes a story because it has to do with the Bible. It is also exactly the kind of story that Matt Drudge loves.

Here is what happened:
A woman was reading the Bible to her two children. The bus driver found her loud and inappropriate and told her to stop. The woman refused. She was kicked off the bus.

First of all, the bus driver was in the right. Every bus driver has the right to enforce company policies (in the case, a policy of no loud or abusive behavior) and to refuse service to those who violate the policy after due warning.

So what is the journalist's excuse (or in the case, CBS Dallas/Fort Worth news)? How is this a story? Take out the "Bible" and it is a story of a woman who refused to comply with the city bus policy of conduct. Had the woman been reading Harry Potter too loudly and been asked to stop, this would not be a story.

More "biblical" floods

...I thought he said he wasn't going to do that anymore.

The Sunday Times Online (UK) chose to lede an article about the floods in Mexico with: "'Biblical' flood leaves Mexico battling to cope."

Sure it gives the horror of the Tabasco state an extra kick, but how helpful is it to relate a natural disaster to the Bible? If the writers were going for rhetorical flair, there is no short supply of flood stories; the Bible is a calculated choice and not an innocuous one.

The flood in Tabasco is not the only flood to be proclaimed "biblical" (e.g. Katrina, the 2004 Tsunami, and the Midwest floods of 1996) nor is it the only disaster to align itself with biblical themes (famines in Sudan or the 2001 outbreak of Foot and Mouth in the UK). It lends a reassuring "tale-as-old-as-time" feel to an otherwise horrifying story, it relieves the rest of us mere mortals of blame and it leaves room for redemption; after all, the flood story ended happily for at least one family who went on to populate the earth.

But how cruel is it to compare a modern day disaster with a story about God wiping out all the wicked from the face of the earth? Chalking it all up to divine providence is one way we can fall asleep without feeling obliged to buy the first available plane ticket to Mexico and head out with a box full of canned goods, some rope, and waist-high Wellies. But at a time when fundamentalists are plotting our course along the road to Rapture, do journalists really need be handing anyone push pins?

Bible bending in Journalism

The New York Post covered the ruling on how the estate of Brooke Astor, the famous NY socialite and philanthropist, will be divided by giving it this lede: "Judge's Biblical Tack in Astor Family Feud."

I have written on several occasions about journalists' ubiquitous use of biblical illusions or rhetorical appeals to "what the Bible says." The introduction of this article is a perfect example:

A Westchester judge played King Solomon yesterday in settling a dispute between the feuding flanks of the Astor family - as he appointed administrators from both sides to oversee Brooke Astor's $200 million estate.

Surrogate Court Justice Anthony Scarapino Jr. split the baby by naming JPMorgan Chase and retired state appeals court Judge Howard Levine temporary administrators of Astor's legacy.

How can anyone doubt the Bible's cultural relevance? We live in a society where the religious icons public officials affix to their doors receives attention from halfway around the world; where Christian leaders answer questions on the Bible in otherwise secular newspapers; where street preachers are a notable part of our urban landscape; and where the sexuality of a fictional character is questioned on biblical grounds. Remind me again why we are not addressing the Bible in schools?

Britney Spears: Literalist?

Bible bending is so sneaky that sometimes no one notices except the wittiest of satirists.

Satirists such as Chris Kelly, a writer for television and a frequent contributor to Huffington Post, who had this to say about Britney Spears last words to the LA judge:

"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."

- Genesis 1:28

"Eat it, lick it, snort it, fuck it."

- Britney Spears

What's the problem? Give her her kids back.

Even the Bible Says so!

I imagine every journalist has three books sitting on their desk: a thesaurus, a dictionary, and a Bible: a thesaurus when you want a better word, a dictionary when you don't know what it means, and a Bible when you want to show that your idea is tried-and-true.

And that is exactly what the New York Times did in a brief article article on the evolutionary function of Grandmothers. Think that grandma's are a product of twentieth-century nutrition? the article asks. Think again:

Plenty of women were living well past age 40, Dr. Hawkes said. Even the Bible recognized that women can live well beyond their fertile years, NAMS executive director Dr. Wulf Utian noted.

See? even the Bible had grandmas. It is a good thing that journalists have their Bibles, or we might not have a cultural history to turn to when we need to check where we are in relationship to where we were. And this is exactly, possibly the only, bible bending we should allow.