President Obama's Inaugural Bible Bending Address

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things.

Yesterday, President Barack Obama gave us a glimpse at what kind of President he will be and, because the two do not seem to be mutually exclusive, what kind of Bible Bender he will be as well.

As we put away "childish things" (things, according to Obama, like partisanship, though it is unclear how partisanship can be distinguished from general disagreement), let's be sure to pay attention to the "thing" left on the table: Scripture.

Afterall, to what God is Obama referring to when he says: "God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny." And where does Obama propose we turn to when if we need further instruction as to what shape we are to mold destiny?

I feel certain that when, as Obama begins to purposefully shape destiny, he will provide us with more details about where he has taken his direction from, and for now, I am hopeful that it won't involve Bible bending.


Photo source: NYmag

Taking a Piss?

"Drink water from your own cistern, flowing from your own well." (Proverbs 5:15)

"But the Rabshakeh said, "Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the people sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and drink their own urine?" (Isaiah 36:12; see also 2 Kings 18:27)

When BuzzFeed alerted me this morning to the new urine therapy "trend" (teenagers, bless 'em, they'll do anything to get rid of acne), I knew that there had to be some Bible bending afoot.

Sure enough, the first (and most compressive) site, SkepDic, welcomed me with the above Bible quotes. Robert Todd Carroll approaches the issue with the best kind of holistic medicine: a dose of scientific and historical analysis (though I do not know how many of us needed any evidence to ignore this trend). Still, it had me thinking about how bizarre trends find footing in the Bible.

Take, for instance, that first quote from Proverbs. As SkepDic points out, it is probably a message of remaining faithful to your spouse, but you have to admit, it works in favor of urine therapy activists. And there are many passages with mention of excrements, such as when God advises the Israelites to eat bread made of excrement when mingling with the Gentiles (Ezekiel 4:10-17) and commands that feces should be spread over disobedient Israelite's food (Malachi 2:1-3).

Then there is the strange-sounding exaltations of Isaiah 16:11 that in the King James Version reads: "Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kirharesh;" but in the New International Version sounds far more innocuous: "My heart laments for Moab like a harp, my inmost being for Kir Hareseth." So if I were to whip up a religious sect in my laboratory today, using only the King James Version as a guide, I could produce Flatulence for Jehovah, perhaps in the style of the Whirling Dervishes.

Yes, bodily functions are funny; and yes, suggesting a religious off-shoot that utilizes them for worship is offensive, but what is important is understanding the diversity among and within bibles. For that reason, the Bible has become more of a Rorschach test than anything else and its proving that there are some interesting personalities looking into it.

The image above is from Dan Savage's column in the The Stranger, Seattle's only newspaper.

Back on the Campaign Trail

After a three-week hiatus, I am back on the campaign trail. Luckily, NY senator Hillary Clinton has left me with ample biblical bread crumbs to find what she has been up to.

"No one can read the New Testament of our Bible without recognizing that Jesus had a lot more to say about how we treat the poor than most of the issues that were talked about in this election," Hillary told a crowd at Tufts University in a speech that accused Demorats of failing to understand religious voters.

Hillary's choice to use the Bible to carve out a space for dialogue about poverty is one to watch closely. Jesus has long been one of the most effective mascots for change (in America's rhetorical kitchen, Jesus is the chef knife) but the task of turning Americans heads away from the crusades and towards the Soup Kitchens may only be achievable by a visit from the Superstar himself.

At the very least, should Hillary win the nomination and then the election next November, expect a new wave of academic journal articles exploring the new twist in the American religious character. Academics can be forgiven for seizing the opportunity to observe the shift from the personal inspiration of the Evangelical tradition that guided President Bush to a president who admires Protestant theologians such as Reinhold Niebuhr, Paul Tillich and Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Is the social justice message of the Bible strong enough to inspire Christians, even out of the mouth of a pro-choice President? Should any of the top three Democratic contenders win the election, we will not have much longer to find out. Sorry secularist, it looks like it will be longer before you see a like-minded president in office.

Atheists are good too

The Chicago Sun Times reported last week on a study which concluded that non-religious medical personnel were just as likely to care for those without insurance as religious doctors (actually, the non-religious doctors were slightly more willing: 35 to 31 percent, respectively). In the puerile spirit of this study, I would like say: see? I told you you didn't need the Bible to be good.